“I’m going out, I’m not bringing my wallet, keys and phone.”

I hear this at least four times a week, or a variation thereof. Lovely Wife has a knack for leaving useless things behind, and her wallet, keys and phone fall into that category. Yesterday as she’s walking out the house to go biking to the library with the kids she lets me know she would not be carrying useless items.

– Sure, I said, if you have an accident of something you could crawl to the nearest payphone to call me or the ambulance.

She made the face – you know the face that says you’re probably right but you’re an idiot – and took her useless things with her. And off they went to the library.

30 minutes later…

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

I have call display, I see it’s Lovely Wife. All the possibilities run through my mind. Is she hurt, are the kids hurt? What’s wrong?


– Yeeeeeeeees? Are you okay?”

– Hey, look I brought my phone!”

– Are you just calling to let me know that you have your phone?

– Well, ahem…  no. I locked my bike and I didn’t bring my keys.

Of course I drove there to bring her the keys. I think this is the first argument I win in 17 years.


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