This post makes an extensive use of italics. I’m sure you can figure out why. 😉
Avitable sometimes talks about his entertaining clients while disguising his business. Well, they’re here too! In Avitable’s case, he says 10% of his clients are entertaining. 1 in 10 is an awesome ratio. I wish I could think about going down to that ratio.
Client: Hello can you help me fondle my balls?
Me: Actually you can fondle your balls yourself by following these simple instructions. First make sure your hand is on your balls, and then gently squeeze them. It takes 10 seconds.
Client: I don’t have time to fondle my balls myself! I am an important person! I demand that you fondle my balls right away!
Me: I’ll make an exception this time, since you asked so nicely, but I need you to help me locate your balls. Can you give me their unique ID number so I can find them quickly? We have a lot of balls to deal with here.
Client: I shouldn’t have to help you find my balls! I gave you a description of my balls, can’t you find them with the description only? This is ridiculous! Obviously you don’t know how to do your job. I don’t have time for this nonsense!
Me: Sir, we have over 3000 balls in our system, and 52 of those balls look and smell exactly like yours. If I look at your file, I see you have 12 balls that match the description you gave me. I need to find the right pair. This is why we assigned them unique numbers. Just look at your balls, and tell me the numbers in brackets beside them.
Client: This is ridiculous. Why would anybody else’s balls look and smell like my balls? I refuse to give you those numbers.
Me: Sir, do you see your balls at this moment?
Client: No I don’t. My pants are zipped up.
Me: Can you unzip your pants and look at your balls for me?
Client: Let me give the phone to my assistant, he’s the one who normally unzips my pants and handles my balls.
Me: Do you see your boss’ balls?
Assistant: Yes I do, they’re right in front of me.
Me: Do you see the numbers in brackets on his balls? It’s a five digit number.
Assistant: Yes I do.
Me: what are those numbers?
Assistant: It’s [XXXXX].
Me: There, his balls are now fondled.
Client (in the background): Hey! I felt that! Awesome!
Assistant: Wow, you can fondle balls at a distance and that quickly? This is amazing, can I have your job?
Me: You don’t want my job, trust me. Somedays I’d rather fondle balls than fondle balls. At least it gives me blog fodder.
Assistant: You have a blog? What’s the url?
Me: Just google “How do I fondle balls”.