Dear fellow Americans!

This post is inspired by a Tweet sent by @Pipper7600, aka Janelle from JunkFood4theSoul.com. Since she used some of my Tweets as inspiration for one of her posts, I thought it would be only fair that I use one of her to write a post of my own. Like Janelle said, if this makes you mad in any way, send a message to Janelle. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Here’s the essence of the Tweet: “What do you mean you can’t do that? Well in America, we can do that!”

(Emphasis mine)

Let’s step into the classroom, shall we?

map

All right class, who can point out America on the map?

I’m assuming you’re raising your hands now. Since I can’t pick one of you to actually point to something, let’s do this:

If you pointed there…

here1

here2

here3

here4

here5

You’d be wrong. I tricked you. There’s no “America” on the world map. There’s many Americas. You have North America, South America and on some maps, Central America.

If you pointed toย there:

here_weird1

or there:

here_weird2

you’re just weird. Please see me after class.

Back to the Americas. Can someone explain this to me? If you live in… you’re a…

Canada… Canadian.
Mexico… Mexican
Brazil… Brazilian
Argentina…Argentinian

But if you live in the United States you’re an American. Why?

This would be like saying that if you live in Italy you’re an European. It’s not really wrong, but you agree that it’s not really right either, right? If you live in Italy you’re an Italian. There’s not one Italian walking around saying to a German “Well, in Europe we can do that!”. So, for you “Americans” out there, tell me: Are the United States not good enough for you? Not big enough? Huh?

In truth I tell you, I am also in America, and that makes me an American. I’m retaking America from you, Unitedstatsians! A-ha, you’re Unitedstatsians now! Spread the word. Blame Janelle. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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19 comments

  1. THE FUNNIEST POST EVER! Even better than Dave and his “greatness” post. I loved it! I will totally be laughing about this for days and probably again when I’m at a funeral and this will pop in my head and I will get the giggles, so thanks in advance for ruining the next funeral I attend. But, hey, it is totally worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

    “… Please see me after class…” That was classic!!!

    Janelles last blog post..You Might Not Know That I…

  2. “Unitedstatsians” …. too funny!!

    “…Are the United States not good enough for you? Not big enough? Huh?…” I can’t decide what is my favorite part!

    Ok, I will stop leaving you comments and open the floor to other people that would like to comment as well.

    Janelles last blog post..You Might Not Know That I…

  3. See they are all being so nice to Unitedstatians! Really. I want to know how I get to be part of the world domination damn it! Can I be the secretary in charge of banishing Celine Dion to another continent?

    Nats last blog post..See!!

  4. @Janelle: Well, I don’t know if this is better than the Dave2 greatness post, but thanks! Can I assume you’ll stop saying “us Americans” now? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    @Delmer: I’m still debating about health care, but I already have a dental plan: Chew on the other side!

    @Sarah: I think you messed up the postage. Did you use the stamps with the beavers on? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    @DutchBitch: Thanks, my European friend! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    @Amanda: Mmm. So since I work at the University of Ottawa, should I tell people I work in Ottawa when they ask where I work? But it’s right there in the name! Let’s discuss this over breakfast at the International House of Pancakes, or just Pancakes I guess… ๐Ÿ˜€

    @Nat: I’m just taking the name back really; world domination sounds like too much work. I think Cรฉline is doing a pretty good job of banishing herself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. The full name of our country is “The United States of America.” This is to say we’re a part OF The Americas, not separate from them.

    Since “The United States of America” is a mouthful to say, most people strip it down to “America” making us “Americans.” It’s much like condensing “Stereophonic Sound System” to “stereo” or condensing “dumbass” to “President George W. Bush.”

    Thus “Americas” refers to North America, South America, and Central America combined (including Canada). “America” refers to The United States of America. If this distinction is not distinct enough for our Canadian brethren, you may use our full name “The United States of America,” or abbreviate us down to “USA” when referring to us… we won’t nuke you to a radiation-soaked crater for either term, because we’re magnanimous like that.

    Alas we’re both North Americans here, you just have more hockey and universal health care in your Canadia part.

    Dave2s last blog post..Served

  6. @Dave2: Dave, dude. Trying to run a somewhat funny blog here. Not really mad at “you Americans” you know. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s not like Canada’s official name is “The United Provinces of America”. Then we would need to duke it out. Preferably through a hockey game. Please don’t nuke us. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Yes, you’re part of the Americas. Shouldn’t your country be called “The United States of Americas” then? Otherwise its a bit recursive. Look who’s talking, I live in a Province (Quรฉbec) where the capital is… Quรฉbec. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Maybe they meant “The United States or America” in the Constitution. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    In Canada we abbreviate “dumbass” to “D.”. You know, like in “Ph.D.”

  7. I loved Dave2’s “dumbass” equals Bush:) That gave me the giggles. As for your geography lesson, I almost raised my hand. Then I realized I almost had a blond moment!!

    I loved this post. It was great and it made me crack up. So, thank you for that! I do look forward to your health care plan. And remember, we may be related, so keep that in mind when you decide to start picking people to rule parts of the country!

    Beckys last blog post..Home Sweet Home

  8. Heh. As usual, we residents of the U.S.A. are pretty full of ourselves. It would be correct for you to call yourself an American. Even if you were Mexican. Or Guatemalan. Or Canadianian. Do they have maps in Canada?

    Karls last blog post..The Devil Inside

  9. @Becky: Damn, why does everybody thinks I want to rule? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    @Turnbaby: Success!

    @Dave2: Whew, I hoped it was. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    @Karl: I buy my maps through Wizards of the Coast. I got Faerun, Greyhawk, Oerth but I have yet to get Canada…

  10. Funny. When you asked the question, before scrolling down, I mentally circled the entire left half of the image.

    I was taught in an international marketing class that we, as residents of the USA, should not refer to ourselves as “Americans” for the very reasons you point out. And I usually don’t. I call myself a “U.S.ian.”

    However, I’ve even stopped that simply because I get scowls and awkward comments not just from fellow U.S.ians but from non-U.S.ians as well. They think I’m insane. All of them. I guess everyone is just too accustomed to us being so egocentric that they can’t get used to any other nomenclature at all. I’M TRYING TO DO MY PART AND THE WORLD WON’T LET ME!!!!

    kapgars last blog post..Another ringer with the slick trigger finger…

  11. @Kapgar: Smart man. My Brother, another smart dude, and a geography professor to boot, called me about this post to explain the very same things to me. Whaddya know, I make soem sense enev when I’m insane. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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