It all started with a simple sign

A few months ago, I made this sign for the kitchenette at work.

kitchenette

Now it seems I should make signs for all kinds of things at work, starting with…

The Bathroom

You are not three years old anymore, nobody needs to see your poop. Please flush.

Congratulations on pooping a big one. Now let’s see if you can flush.

If I find one more pube on the toilet seat, I’ll bake a cake and put it in. You like cake, right?

Please keep noise to a minimum. Some of us are trying to read.

Wash those hands! You know you want to. Seriously, do it.

If you’re taking a dump and I walk in, you might see me through the space between the stall door and the frame walking to a urinal. This is not the moment to ask me about project X. This is a bathroom, not a meeting place.

The Kitchenette

Please put your rotting food in the trash, don’t leave it in the fridge.

Hey! Let’s make a schedule so we can take turns washing the dish towels! It’s fun!

Clean the microwave (Sincerely, disappointed)

The Lab

Dear users, closing at 17:00 means you have to get your butt out of here BEFORE we lock the doors. I shouldn’t have to wait 15 minutes while you pack your stuff and leave. I have a wife and kids and they shouldn’t have to wait for me every single f*cking night.

These computers are for work-related purposes. Please do not ask the staff how to save LOLCATS to your usb key, how to submit a resume on a company website or how to register to an on-line dating service.

My Office

“Hello, are you busy” is a great way to start a conversation as you walk in. Sitting down and starting to talk as I’m typing on the keyboard – not so much.

If you hear me talk, please assume that I’m on the phone and not that I’m totally crazy and just talking to myself. Refrain from popping your head in to explain that you thought I was talking to myself. I’m on the phone.

Please leave. Now.

—————————————————

What about you? Any office notes worthy of passiveaggressivenotes.com? Let me know!

Unrelated: Anyone saw the last 2-3 minutes of Heroes? Looks like the show ran a little long and the PVR did not catch the last few minutes…

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10 comments

  1. Ahh, my last office had a passive-agreesive note queen there – some hilarious notes were left in our kitchenette. The best was (somewhat paraphrased as I didn’t memorize it, it just was very memorable): “Dear Coworkers. This morning, I put a piece of chocolate zucchini loaf in the fridge to eat with my afternoon tea. As my day progressed, I would think of that piece of chocolate zucchini loaf and smile in anticipation. When 3 pm came around and I ran with giddy glee to the fridge to gather up my treat, imagine my disappointment when I found it wasn’t there. I burrowed around your rotting fruit and moldy cheeses to see if someone maybe moved it, but alas, the loaf was not to be found. So, I’m assuming one of you took it. Which means I’m looking for you. And I’d like to remind you all that we are (insert random law enforcement agency here), and we always get our man.”

    good times.

    suzes last blog post..winter is so much prettier downtown…

  2. @Suze: Great note! This goes to show that you never leave goodness unattended in the office fridge. Unless the chocolate is spiked with some kind of laxative, which I may or may not have done at this point.

    I think I should post pictures of signs that are already in our kitchenette. Uncle Sam saying: “I want you to wash your darn dishes” is my favorite. 😉

  3. As you know, I like to write… write people I like. Talking is totally different. Talking at work with my boss sitting right there, totally different. However, I my desk is located in a prime “meeting up” place in our office and when people meet up at my desk, they feel the need to include me in their converstations. OR people just walk by and stop and feel the need to tell me their life stories… I keep typing away, or have the phone up to my ear, or have my headphones in and still THEY TALK… grrrr! I dont’ know how to stay, “Leave me alone! You aren’t on my list of people I like talking to” LOL I just keep on smiling and say, “yeah, I hear ya.”

    Janelles last blog post..The First Cut Is The Deepest

  4. I hate when my boss calls for me and if I don’t answer, he will just yell louder or say “Didn’t you hear me?” Then, I’ll put whoever I’m on the phone with on hold and then tell him “I’m making that call you asked me to make.” He says “Oh – I didn’t know you were on the phone.”

    Well, geez, don’t think to look at the phone in your office for that blinking red light that indicates that I am on the phone!!

    Oh? And the women on my floor? Are so freakin’ disgusting they had to post signs asking people to please clean up after themselves. Out of six stalls, at least three are always either clogged or there is pee all over the seat!! GROSS!!

    Sheila (Charm School Reject)s last blog post..Technical Difficulties and Other Happenings

  5. @Janelle: What you’re saying is that you heard the twitters, yes? *Grins*

    @Ginger: This happened today. Her: What’s wrong with the printer? It never works!! Me: Tray 4 is empty. Says so here. Her: But it always say that. *Sigh.*

    @SheilaCSR: I hear the situation is not great in the ladies’ bathroom, but I’m not allowed in there, so I can’t confirm. 😉 But I do have pictures of the men’s bathroom…

  6. We had the same problem with Heroes!

    I like your lab synopsis. I used to have to kick people out of the lab back when I was in college. Luckily when I locked up the lab I needed police services to come lock it up for me so they were always standing there when anyone ornery didn’t want to leave. 😀

    Poppys last blog post..mashed phot(at)os and gravy

  7. @Poppy: Lucky for me, LovelyWife PVR’s the show that follows Heroes, so I could get the end of Heroes there. 😉 And for my lab problem, I just moved all the clock 10 minutes forward.

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