Ask Canadia’s Blogger (1)

incanada

Once again For the first time ever, it’s time for your favorite Internet column, Ask Canadia’s Blogger. Every week Once in a while, I’ll pick a few interesting questions asked by my loyal readers and provide super intelligent and relevant answers.

I’ll start things with a bang, this edition of ACB is the extra very special JANELLE edition.

Janelle was nice enough to be a big part of the inspiration and motivation behind ACB, and it would be in very bad taste to not make the first edition of ACB the Janelle Edition (like she strongly suggested). All questions have been asked by Janelle. I hope this will not make Janelle delete me from her Twitter. She did tell me that  “If you ever say my name again, I’m totally deleting you. again” – Janelle.

So here we go.

1) In Canada is “blackberry” another word for iPhone?

Oh no, not at all. In fact, both words don’t even share a common letter. We do have an alternate name for iPhones here. We call then Dave2Phone. Dave2 (from Blogography, maybe you heard of him?) is in all canadian Apple commercials. We also use Blackberry to describe something else, but not an iPhone.

2) Do they have Valentine’s Day in Canada?

Of course! In fact, VD, while it initially originated in the States, quickly made it’s way through Canada and the rest of the world. As you know, VD is contagious or catching. It spreads from person to person by relations or by other close physical contacts- such as kissing- which provide the necessary conditions for the transmission. Indirect transmission of the infection is possible but not very common. It is not spread from toilet seats, towels or door-knobs. So it’s totally your fault if we have VD in Canada.

On a more serious note, Canadians don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day as much as the March 14th holiday. It’s in 15 days people! Mark you calendars and warm-up your barbecues.

3) Do they have Mondays in Canada?

We have cases of them. We ship them all internationally. That’s why you sometime hear people say “I have a case of the Mondays”. Also, the English names of days of the week are from Canada, not from the Norse gods or all that other nonsense (but see the Camel question at the bottom of this post). Initially, the days were named Sund, Mond, Tuesd, Wednesd, Thrusd, Frid and Saturd.

4) Do they “do funny” in Canada?

Luckily for me, we’d do anything human that has a pulse and can generate some heat during the winter (aka September to mid-July), including funny people. It’s freaking cold up here you know.

5) Do they have ‘Gilligan’s Island’ in Canada?

gisland

Gilligan’s Island possible locations. None of them are in Canada little buddy.

6) Do you have Cactus in Canada?

Honestly, I didn’t know. A quick search on canada411.ca revealed that there are no Cactus in Canada. You do however have at least one in the States. And that clip from 1967 seems to indicate that the whole World is a cactus.

And it seems to be confirmed again in 1993.

I’m confused.

7) Do you have Camels in Canada?

Of course we have camels in Canada. I can understand the question, since Canada comes from the old Portuguese Camelo + Nada, which translates to “No Camel” (Delmer would be so proud of me). In fact, the origins of the Camel and Canada are tightly interwoven. You probably already know that “Canada” was discovered by Leif Ericsson (also spelled Eriksson – no relation to Karl, otherwise it’d be Kanada) the Lucky (980?-1020?) was a Viking (Norse) explorer who was possibly the first European to sail to North America. Leif took a break from his acting career and sailed north from the southern tip of Greenland, then went south along the coast of Baffin Island down to Labrador, and then landed in what is now called Newfoundland (which he called Vinland). Ericsson sailed around the year 1000, and brought with him the days of the week. Later on, Giovanni Caboto, an Italian explorer speaking Portuguese, sailed to Canada bringing the first camels with him – woman were not allowed on boats at the time – kicked the Vikings asses by having his troubadour sing (badly) to them while they jumped to their death trying to get off le Rocher Percé as fast as possible. The whole thing was later adapted by Gosciny and Uderzo in one controversial graphic novel and an animated feature film.

Another reason people think that we don’t have camels in Canada is that they because of the weather Canadian Camels don’t grow as tall as their Arabian or Asian cousins. The tallest Canadian Camel was measured just under 22 centimeters (that’s just about 8.5 inches my Imperial friends), so they’re easily mistaken for small dogs or baby gerbils. It was reported that this tall camel tasted as good as the smaller ones.


 

That concludes the first ever Ask Canadia’s Blogger – the Janelle edition. If you want, leave questions for a future edition in the comments. If you don’t it’s no biggie, I can always make some stuff up.

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14 comments

  1. Oh! I just read this… something they really DON’T (or won’t) have in Canada….

    “Wal-Mart is closing all of its Sam’s Club stores in Canada.”

    So soon, I’ll be able to ask, “Do they have Samn’s club in Canada?” and you will have to say, “No.”

    Finally. Something Canada doesn’t have (or won’t have).

    I think this means that I win! I win!

    Time to go dance around my office naked.

    Janelle recently said So. Tired.

  2. @Kapgar: That moose is a damn liar!

    @Avitable: That’s the true power of techmology. You’e been schooled! 😉

    @Janelle: Ha! But they only close the Ontario stores, not all stores in Canada. You just nakefied for no good reason. Plus even if they do, I’m sure I can come up with a much more clever and informative answer then “no”. 😉

  3. In my world, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

    So, while my knowledge of the in’s and out’s of Canadia are somewhat limited, I know three insanely awesome people that live there – so I have no worries.

    Sheila (Charm School Reject) recently said Goals

  4. Hey Brother, nice to know that your back in old Canada. Last time we spoke, you told me you still had a couples years left in Guantanamo!

    P.S ANd by the way, we do have small Camels in Canada…and we have a lot of Camels toes 🙂

  5. @SheilaCSR: Just print this post and it’ll get you out of 98% of the sticky situations you might get in while in Canadia. For the other 2%, bring a towel.

    @THE BROTHER: Didn’t you hear? They’re closing the place, and they needed my cell as a swing space so they just kicked me out. Canadian Terrorist is an oxymoron after all. 😉

  6. @Nat: Yeah, but I was going for individuals. 😉

    @Delmer: Not familiar with ABC restaurants. Thanks on the Portuguese. 😉

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