tYotP : E

This post is part of the Year of the Purge : A to Z series. Every other Sunday, I’ll get rid of something starting with the letter A and working my way to the letter Z by the end of December. This week I’m tackling E. This post was scheduled for last week, but real life took precedence. I’m sure you understand.

E-Mail

Hahahahaha! How insane would that be? 😉

Enablers

But but… But I’ll be by myself if I do that! And no, this is not about you. Well, maybe a little.

Empathy

What I wouldn’t give sometimes in order to not give a crap. I think empathy makes me a better person most of the time, so I’m not giving that up. I can deal with the odd occasion when it pisses me off.

Extra pounds

Thinking

Yeah, that could work. (I amuse myself sometimes)

Ding!

So Internetz, it’s official, the Canadian Polar Bear will try his damnest succeed in becoming the Canadian Polar Cub. So let’s see. For a 5’11” guy, I should aim for a BMI between 18.5 and 24.9. A little but of reverse engineering tells me that this translates to 133 to 178.5 pounds.

[Please picture me laughing my fat ass off rolling on the floor for at least 12 minutes]

You see, I have a MAJOR problem with the BMI thing. Let me show you why:

dopeonarope

You see that picture above here? It was taken in July 1989. I was just about to turn 18 (a week away I think). When that picture was taken, I tipped the scale at 188.5 pounds. I shit you not. How do I remember that? Well, it was while I was studying in Techniques Policières and training and P.E. was mandatory, which included a weekly weigh-in. I thought I was lean at that stage. According to the BMI scale, I’m 10 pounds overweight on this picture.

But back to today now. In order for me to get down to a normal BMI and weight, I would have to lose… let’s see… Add 5, substract 26, multiply by the number of games left in the NHL calendar, hold the one… A LOT OF FUCKING POUNDS. But hey, this is not a post about the insanity of the BMI scale.

As of right now, I’m 295 pounds. I would need to lose 116.5 pounds to not be considered overweight. I’d be happy with losing half that amount, really, but I’ll shoot for the stars and see where I end up.

I think I can do it with this simple yet brilliant technique. Plus, I already rolled on the floor 12 minutes today. That has to count for somthing, right?

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13 comments

  1. I hate the BMI thing. I was always too fat. What they don’t realize is that muscle is heavier than fat (it’s true I’ve measured it in Anatomy. I’m like a genius) so wouldn’t you want to be heavier but not as..I dunno jiggly I guess? That’s how they should measure BMI. Instead of numbers it should be minimal jiggle, no jiggle, and jingle bells. Pretty much.

    Sarah recently said Work and swimwear

  2. Hey brother, a couple weeks ago I went to the hospital, couldn’t stand my chest pains anymore. The doctor told me I was going to be okay …But man I was so Fuck… scared. I’ve been on on a diet (Énregie Cardio) 2 weeks now. I feel great, I don’t feel like i’m starving myself an my chest pains are gone. Right now i’m 305 pounds, I hope to be 220 pounds next year.

    And by the way, the doctor told me that every time a man looses 20 pounds he gains a extra 3 centimeters of penis. Next year I’ll change my name for LONG DONG SILVER!

  3. @Sarah: Ho ho ho! I was actually asked to be Santa Claus for a party last Christmas. Talk about eye-opener. 😉

    @THE BROTHER: I thought Énergie Cardio was a gym, not a diet? Unless they do both? I can really use 18 more centimeters. That’ll put me one centimeter away from my dream of having a 20cm penis. 😉

    @Poppy: Hehehehehehe. 😉

  4. BMI doesn’t take into account things like muscle mass. So for instance, like you in that pic (check out the legs on you!) would have a lot more muscle than the overage bear. If it’s any consolation, I can’t get my BMI down to “normal” either. (I think I read a study that it’s ok to be up to 25 pounds overweight.)

    Good luck with the behaviour modification. (I refuse to call it a diet.)

    Nat recently said No, really he’s 39

  5. So I guess this means I should stop teasing you with my extra large lunches and encouraging you to eat three pieces of pizza? I’m glad you didn’t decide to purge Enabler because I am soooo a bad influence when it comes to food. And, for the record, when you come to Chicago, all types of dieting is off. I’ll close my eyes while you eat so that the calories don’t count. Deal?

    I don’t know what my BMI is but….hold on….lemme check. It’s 21.5. That’s right in the middle of where I should be buuuuutttt when I was in high school we did a body fat index and mine was like 36%. It should be around 15%. And that was when I was an athlete. I don’t think I wanna know mine now.

    Sheila (Charm School Reject) recently said Yum Yum Cheese Curds

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