After a lot of time thinking about this, I think I came up with the most likely explanation for my super power.
I am not from your planet.
I think I must be from Uranus – I’ve been called or called myself an asshole more than on one occasion – or even further away from your sun. I think that would make sense since further away from the sun, or from any sun really, would explain my super power.
You wanna see what my super power is? It’s nothing too fancy, I just have some kind of ultra-vision.
But don’t take my word for it. Look at these:
Triptych? Not really.
When I look at these, I see two full trash cans and one overflowing recycling bin.
I know, it’s hard to believe. You probably see three empty containers up there right? I mean, that’s what LovelyWife and the Zadorable see when they look at these. That would explain why they keep putting things in the containers even when they overflow. That would also explain their weird flushing habit, but that might be another post. Sans pictures, of course.
What? What do you mean? Define “Bozo”?
I can prove you yet once more that I am an asshole. Thursday morning on the bus, this woman sitting behind me was reading. She kept hitting me on the back with her book – she was resting the top of her book on the top of the back of my seat. After a little while, I politely asked her to please stop touching me with her book and she made the face. You know the face that says “Shut the fuck up you moron”. So I did. When my stop came, I stood up and saw that she was reading Soul of the Fire, the fifth novel in the Sword of Truth series. So I told her how the series ends. I made the face, and stepped off the bus.