I am not from around here

After a lot of time thinking about this, I think I came up with the most likely explanation for my super power.

I am not from your planet.

I think I must be from Uranus – I’ve been called or called myself an asshole more than on one occasion – or even further away from your sun. I think that would make sense since further away from the sun, or from any sun really, would explain my super power.

You wanna see what my super power is? It’s nothing too fancy, I just have some kind of ultra-vision.

But don’t take my word for it. Look at these:

Triptych? Not really.

When I look at these, I see two full trash cans and one overflowing recycling bin.

I know, it’s hard to believe. You probably see three empty containers up there right? I mean, that’s what LovelyWife and the Zadorable see when they look at these. That would explain why they keep putting things in the containers even when they overflow. That would also explain their weird flushing habit, but that might be another post. Sans pictures, of course.

What? What do you mean? Define “Bozo”?

I can prove you yet once more that I am an asshole. Thursday morning on the bus, this woman sitting behind me was reading. She kept hitting me on the back with her book – she was resting the top of her book on the top of the back of my seat. After a little while, I politely asked her to please stop touching me with her book and she made the face. You know the face that says “Shut the fuck up you moron”. So I did. When my stop came, I stood up and saw that she was reading Soul of the Fire, the fifth novel in the Sword of Truth series.  So I told her how the series ends. I made the face, and stepped off the bus.

* I’m giving full credit to Kapgar for the “TUA – Totally Unrelated Aside”, the inspiration behind the Aparté.

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13 comments

  1. My husband has the same superpower! It’s like you’re from the same planet or something!

    TUA: I finally figured out how to comment on your blog from my phone. Before I turned off the mobile view it just did the spinny thing when I submitted and then it ate my comment, which led to many GAH!s. I’m rambling now. Sorry.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..How I Spent My Weekend =-.

  2. I love the part where you tell the lady how the book ends.

    My children suffer from the same overflowing-bin affliction your family shares. And my cans don’t have to be overflowing — someone might have laid something in the trash can that has enough side-of-the-can friction that it doesn’t go all the way to the bottom of the can so it creates a false top. Everybody after that will put things on top without bothering to push stuff down… so they overflow when they are mostly empty.

    As for the toilet — we’ve instituted PFW: P**p, flush, wipe. Due to the fact I was tired of plunging, well, I’ll leave that part alone. Let’s just say one boy seems to put a roll of TP in the toilet before he thinks to give it a flush. (I never, ever, ever clog the toilet. How can he do it each time?)
    .-= delmer´s last blog ..What Would You Be Up To? =-.

  3. I literally laughed out loud.

    I can’t believe you’re such an asshole.

    Actually, I can.

    I’m just proud of you for owning it and following through on your threats.

    Of course, aren’t you super glad that your favorite internet loser was not so mean as to follow through on _her_ threat and tell you the ending? What….it’s not my fault you’re a slow reader.

    PS : I still haven’t finished Law of Nines.
    .-= Sheila (Charm School RejecT)´s last blog ..Bittersweet Symphony =-.

  4. i get it.
    my bf, on the other hand, doesn’t even know we have a kitchen garbage.
    or a kitchen, for that matter.
    he just believes food magically appears before him and lays the plate where he sits.
    i’d like to send him to uranus, sometime, since i refer to him as a dweller there on a regular basis.

    and uh, giving away the ending to the story, genius!
    that b*tch deserved it.
    .-= MissMadHatter´s last blog ..hey me! it’s me again… =-.

  5. @Lisa: If only men are affected, we might hit a snag trying to go back to our planet. Who will ask for directions? 😛 Glad you could comment!

    @Delmer: I,m sure the “lady” loved it too. Sorry to hear that you’re plunging poop dude. 😳

    @Finn: Whew, I was afraid we couldn’t go back (see my comment to Lisa). :mrgreen:

    @Sheila with the giant T at the end of her screen name: Threats? I didn’t threatened her, I just told her! I didn’t finish Law of Nines either. Sigh. 😦

    @MissMadHatter: “i’d like to send him to uranus, sometime…” Can we start with coffee and see where it goes? 😆

    @Avitable: Well, I do have some moobs happening… Damn! 😕

    @Sybil Law: I think she deserved it. 😛

    @Ren: Yes I did. It was nice, if a little troubling. They took a lot of liberties – which I understand – but that made the whole show miss the mark for me a little. It’s a good way to turn my brain off for an hour or so.

  6. @Karen Sugarpants: Meh, I might have to learn to control those impulses. What if down the line she’s my new boss that makes my life miserable, the cook the spits in my food or my proctologist? Maybe I should just preface all my bitchiness with: “Are you a proctologist”? 😛

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