One of the many joys of having kids that are growing soooooo fast is that LovelyWife and myself can now go out for date nights pretty much whenever we want. As long as CutieDaughter doesn’t already have plans, of course.
So Wednesday we went out and saw Love and Other Drugs (6.7/10 on IMDb.com | 43% on Rotten Tomatoes). It was either that, or Burlesque (6.4/10 on IMDb.com | 34% on Rotten Tomatoes). If you’re wondering why those were the two we had to choose between, it’s because LovelyWife wanted to see those and I wanted to see Due Date (7.0/10 on IMDb.com | 40% on Rotten Tomatoes) or Faster (7.3/10 on IMDb.com | 44% on Rotten Tomatoes), so we compromised.
And if you think this is not a compromise, you’re not married. (I kid, I kid! I really wanted LovelyWife to see what she wanted.)
Even though that movie was bad. And by bad, I mean it was a piece of crap.
Warning! The previous sentence was a spoiler! More ahead!
If you ever want to see a movie that has absolutely no clue what it is, you should definitely see Love and Other Drugs.
One minute it’s a soft porn movie. the next minute it’s a light romantic comedy. Then a serious drama. Then slapstick. Then a romantic porn. Then drama slapstick. Porn slapstick. Comedy porn. News telecast. Light drama. Back to light comedy. Repeat ad nauseam.
Let me give you a few examples:
- Guy goes to this pajama party because he’s been dumped by Girl. Sad. He takes a Viagra and has a threesome. Soft Porn. On noes! He has an erection that lasts more than four hours! Brother drives him to the hospital and mistakingly grabs his penis while “looking for the shifter”. Hilarious!
- Guy in his Porsche chases the girl on the bus to tell her he loves her and wants to be with her for ever and a day. It’s a build-up to a touchy moment. When the bus stops, guy rushes to the bus and then the bus driver opens the bus door in the guy’s face! Hilarious! Then they have the talk where they admit they love each other. Awwwwwww.
- Guy gets home and catches Brother masturbating to a sex tape Guy did with Girl. Guy is outraged at Brother because he loves Girl. Guy beats Brother up with tape. Brother yells “You’ll mess-up the tape!”. Hilarious!
I don’t have a problem with any type of movies. I admit I don’t particularly run to the theaters whenever the latest chick flick comes out, but I don’t avoid a movie only based on the type of movie it is, and I’ve been known to enjoy some chick flicks, or even “have my allergies acting up” while watching Glee or Parenthood.
What I have a problem with is when the director keeps adding scenes that don’t move the movie forward. The best example is Lord of the Rings. I love Lord of the Rings, but that pillow fight at the end of RotK? Completely useless.
In Love and Other Drugs, there’s a lot of useless sex scenes. I’m not opposed to seeing asses and tits on the screen, but did we really need to see 73 different sex scenes to establish that Guy is a sex addict and wants to screw everything that moves? After his pager went off 2-3 times, I got it. Did we really need to see the other 27 times the pager went off? There’s a lot of slapstick moments. None of those moments are particularly funny. Except maybe when Girl, naked under her trench-coat, drops said coat on the floor and mistakenly exposes herself to Brother on the couch. Too bad I had seen that scene 25 times because it was in the preview. None of those moments move the story forward, or develop any of the characters.
Even the obligatory epiphany Guy has at the end is dumb. BTW at that point of the movie, I had been thinking for at least an hour: “How are they going to end this movie? It goes nowhere. I can’t see how they will end it”.
So anyways, they end it with this never seen or heard before gem: “I’ve always been considered a quitter that didn’t care about anything. I care about you, Girl. I’ll take care of you forever. I’ll never quit anything again.”
AND THEN GUY QUITS HIS JOB TO TAKE CARE OF GIRL.