My douchey skill

A few days ago, my friend Avitable took a man test.

The test is a series of fifty skills that a man should possess in order to call himself a man. Well, not all of them, there’s some sort of math to be applied to your results.


The skill at number thirty-nine is: Choose a scotch/whiskey.

Here’s what Adam wrote about this skill:

I don’t drink either, and I think that choosing a good bottle of wine would be a much less douchey skill.

I was a little surprised. I couldn’t believe that someone would spell Scotch and Whisky like that.

Ok, that’s douchey, but it has nothing to do with choosing a Scotch, right? 😉

Here’s what I replied:

One day, we’ll duel over this.

So, here’s how I would choose a Scotch:

I’ll have this one please.

I’ve been trying to make that sound douchey, and I really can’t find a way to do that. Maybe if I get a top hat, some sort of shirt with lace cuffs and quite possibly a monocle? Then I could say:

Excuse me my good man, I would like to give you some money in exchange for a Dram of that delicious Scotch – in a clean glass.

Yeah, that sounds a little douchey. But is there really someone who does that? Except Avitable I mean. 😉



  1. It’s only douchey if you act like an ass while ordering either. I hate going to dinner w/someone where they feel they have to “educate” me about what we’re about to drink, be it wine or whiskey, because they took some sort of course at a learning annex and now feel they are experts. Dude, just pretend to sniff that shit and let’s get to drinking!

  2. What constitutes “knowing” how to choose a particular drink? You either like it or you don’t. Choose the one you like, even if the douchey people look down their douchey noses at you.

    There is nothing douchey about knowing what you like.

  3. Since Whiskey/Whisky and Scotch are the least douchey things you could order, then there is no way you can sound douchey when choosing one. Unless, of course, you are a douche.

    Here’s how I order bourbon. “Ya got anything interesting or fun, like Bulleit or maybe one of the new New York whiskies? No? OK…then I’ll have a Maker’s Mark. Thanks!” Nothing douchey about that.

  4. Are you kidding me? Wine snobs are some of the biggest douches I know!! This just points out that Adam doesn’t drink, and if he does, it has to be “fruity”.
    Now, being able to pick out a scotch and whiskey – that is pure skill.

  5. I still contend that selecting a scotch from a menu is not “choosing a scotch/whiskey” in the way that the “man test” intended, and that anyone who “chooses” a bottle of wine, scotch or whiskey in that way is douchey!

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