Day: September 14, 2011

I drink for a reason*

*This post has nothing to do with the book by that same title, I drink for a reason, written by David Cross – The extremely funny analrapist Tobias Fünke from Arrested Development. But you really should buy this book. Funny as Hell.

I love that show. Bring it back.

This post is about tech support. Let me present to you the life cycle of a support request.

Initial contact – 00:00 hours in the cycle

Client: “HI. I have an issue fix it NOW. THIS REQUESSSST IS URGEN! NOW FIX IT.!”

Initial reply – 00:02 hours in the cycle

Tech Support: “Hello. I need more details in order to help you. Can you provide me with (list of items to provide). Sincerely, Me.”

Follow up – 24:00 hours in the cycle

Tech Support: “Hello. You opened help request #12345 yesterday. I am waiting for (list of items to provide). If this issue has been resolved through other channels, please let us know and I’ll close this help request. All the best, Me.”

Follow-up – 48:00 hours in the cycle

Tech Support: “Hello. You opened help request #12345 48 hours ago. I am still waiting for (list of items to provide), and am not able to help you without that information. Please contact me by phone at your earliest convenience to resolve this matter. If your issue has been resolved through other channels, please let me know and I’ll close this help request. My direct phone number is (gives phone number). All the best, Me.”

Follow-up – 168:00 in the cycle

Tech Support: “Hello. This is the third follow-up on case #12345. Your help request has been pending for 7 days. If I don’t hear back from you within 24 hours, I will close the incident. (Lists all contact information). Best, Me.”

Closing the incident – 192:00 in the cycle

Tech Support: “I am closing incident #12345. I have been without any reply from you for 8 days, I will assume this issue has been solved by other channels. If this issue has been resolved, simply ignore this message. If you are still experiencing the issue described in the original request, simply reply to this email including the requested information in my initial reply. Have a nice day, Me.”

Client wakes up – 192:01 hours in the cycle

Client: “You CLOse this? Why???? Problem not fix! Crappy service! Fix problem NOW! NOOOOW! I,m getting beind in my education Bcause of U!”

Here we go again – 192:02 hours in the cycle

Tech Support: “Hello. I need more details in order to help you. Can you provide me with (list of items to provide). Sincerely, Me.”

Hit send, bang head on desk, pour drink, repeat.

+++++

Show of hands: who thinks I’m kidding?

Advertisements