Sicko

Pillow

If you read Avitable (and if you don’t what’s wrong with you?) you know that last Friday Adam posted a bunch of things he wanted to sell in a Black Friday spirit, and you probably know that I expressed interest in the New Moon pillow, because 1.25$ to start my Avitable Clones Army is a steal.

New Moon pillow case – 1.25$

Express air shipping – 24.97$

Black Light – 34.95$

Discovering that Adam plays for both teams (Edward and Jacob) – Priceless.

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It’s all going slowly away…

I recently moved into an apartment with an ex coworker of mine. It’s not big, and it smells really damp. I have no clue why I moved in with this person – or rather how I allowed him to move in with me, we were not that great friends to begin with – but I guess that’s what I had to do in order to pay the rent.

Times are tough since my wife an I separated.

There’s also this other guy that I used to know when I was studying at Sherbrooke university. For no apparent reason we decided that it would be funny if he would wear one of my shirts for a day, and me one of his.

I don’t talk much about dreams, but these are the kind of dreams I’m having. You’d think that the strangeness of it all is the highlight of the dreams, but it’s not. The really strange things about these dreams? They form a coherent story that stretches as far back as 25 years ago.

I am not kidding.

It’s like all my dreams are part of this parallel universe, where what I dreamed a week or a decade ago is now canon. I once dreamed I broke an arm falling off a tree. In subsequent dreams I had a cast on my arm, and went through a healing process within the dream – but the cast was never the focus of the dream. Subsequent doesn’t mean “the next night” – I think that I dream one timeline, but jumbled – as I’ll pick-up where a dream left off 10 years ago one night, and some other night dream something that seems to be completely unrelated to the main story, but I’ll later discover that it makes perfect sense.

Maybe I’m such a nutjob that my brain “fills in the blanks” between unrelated dreams – sometimes years after the original dream.

Borrowed from http://www.toothpastefordinner.com. I Googled “Weird Dreams” and this fits.

I thought dreams were not supposed to make sense over the course of a lifespan. Mine seem to be part of a fairly complex continuity, and the fact that they totally make sense doesn’t make sense at all. Anybody else has weird dreams? Just me?

Best Father’s Day ever.

This post is filed under sarcasm. Don’t worry too much, it’s not that bad, but I just needed something to document what happened on Sunday. Everyone is fine, nobody dies in this story.

This Sunday, my son got shot in the park.

There are certain things a father never wants to hear. One of the first things that comes to mind is the dreadful “I’m pregnant” – which is kind of ironic because unless you ever heard it, you can’t really be a father – and speaking for myself I would rank the “Someone shot me with a gun in the park” pretty much at the top of the list.

On the positive side, the fact that my son was the one telling me he got shot, while walking and breathing and crying (just a little) meant that he wasn’t dead.

But he had been shot. By a BB gun that shoots plastic pellets. Thrice. And the welts he had? Those looked painful. Luckily, had had been shot twice on the left foot and once in the back. nothing near the head or the face. Nothing that was going to leave a permanent mark. Nothing that would change his life drastically.

Nothing that would take him away from me.

Butchered

When it comes to food, I’m pretty much a quality over quantity guy. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy large quantities of good quality food on occasion. But if given a choice between a five pound poutine from Smoke’s Poutinerie and a 12oz steak from DelMonico Steakhouse in Vegas, the steak will always win.

Unless it’s late and I’m fairly drunk. But I digress. This post is about meat.

I don’t eat McDonald’s. I last time I had some McDonald’s was on September 28 2004 – 6 years, 5 months, 8 days ago. It was all because of Morgan Spurlock and this:

Remember this? Well, it put me off fries for a while, and off McDonald’s for good.

I told you this post is about meat. A few weeks ago, a Facebook friend shared a link to this video:

It’s over ten minutes long, and it’s in French. But you have to see this. This guy will show you how to take old spoiled meat and repackage it as new meat. A practice – he says – that’s fairly common in various grocery stores. It’s disgusting.

Of course, it might be all false, might be the guy’s imagination. He might be a disgruntled employee trying to get back at the store who fired him.

But would you take that chance?

I now buy all my meat from an actual butcher – a place where the butcher cuts the meat right in front of me. Because the alternative would be to go off meat, and that’s just crazy.

The List

If you didn’t already brand me with the OCD iron following my fridge posts, this will certainly seal the deal. 😉

Ever so often, LovelyWife will say random things* like:

  • Let’s redo the kitchen!
  • Let’s renovate the bathroom!
  • I’m so tired of those paint chips in the edges of the walls!
  • Let’s renovate the second bathroom!
  • Let’s buy new furniture for our bedroom!
  • Let’s move!
  • But before we move, let’s redo the kitchen!

* I know they’re not RANDOM things.

You get the point. Invariably,  I will reply this:

  • Make a list of what you want done and I’ll do it.

Yes, I ask for a list. You wanna know why? Because I feel that if it’s on the list and it gets done, then you’re not allowed to complain about that specific thing anymore. Want me to renovate the bathroom (hey it’s been almost 8 years now)? Put it on the list and I’ll get to that eventually. But I’ll get to it with some sort of planning behind the idea.

LovelyWife romanticize a lot of things: Living one year in Africa, going on camping trips, walking around the neighborhood after dinner, and yes, anything that has to do with housework. She thinks that all those things magically happen if you just want to do them. If we’re watching TV Saturday night at 8:55PM, she might say things like: “We should paint the living room.” Then I’ll say “Now? But the paint store closed 4 hours ago…”. Then she’ll be mad because I don’t want to paint the living room.

I’m kidding, I’m just trying to make a point by taking it to the extreme.

So I ask for a list. A list is awesome. It’s a road map to what needs to be done. Because a list is not simply a piece of paper filled with many bullet points and exclamation marks. For example, If I was to include “Paint the living room” on a list I would make, it’ll look something like this:

Click to embiggify

I might use Microsoft Project to make a Gantt Chart of everything that needs to be done. I might exchange emails back and forth about color schemes. I might clear my schedule for the next few days. Nothing wrong with that, right?

When LovelyWife makes a list, and includes “Paint the Living Room” on it, here’s what she does:

Not A Gantt Chart.

Who’s the crazy one now?

And just for the record, It’s not LovelyWife.

What about you? Where do you fall on the “Overly organized – disorganized” continuum?

The OCG with OCD

You know how it starts with “There’s a lot of crumbs in this toaster” and ends with taking the whole kitchen back to studs? Yeah, that. I’m the Original Canadian Gangster with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Today I cleaned the fridge.

This is the before shot. Click to embiggify.

Now before I show you the after shot, let’s talk about the before state of my fridge a little. If you look closely, you can see a Styrofoam container with chicken breasts leaning against a Dijon mustard container. You can see mangoes in the vegetables drawer. You can see an eggplant right on the edge of the fist shelf, a ziploc container on the edge of the second shelf. Short containers in tall spaces, tall things in short spaces. Yogurts on two different shelves.

Chaos.

Now here’s what I did without throwing anything away. In fact, I even added a juice container.

This is the after shot. Click to embiggify.

Of course I started by cleaning the inside of the fridge and all the shelves themselves. I swear I’m the only guy in the world who knows that those glass inserts actually come out of the plastic frame if you pry hard enough.

Notice how all the yogurt is huddled together. Notice how tall items are on a tall shelf, and short items are on a short shelf. when they share a shelf, taller items go in the back, and shorter items go in front so we can read the labels – which are all facing forward in case you didn’t notice. Fruits are in the fruits drawer, vegetables in the vegetables drawer and meat is in… The meat drawer. Notice how nothing is precariously perched at the edge of a shelf, and how nothing touches the inside surface of the fridge to facilitate better airflow?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I just realized I didn’t clean the items in the door.