Keeping my frakin’ cool

This is frakin’ great.

I go to your place of business, wait patiently in line to be served after the other custommers that are there, listen to your salesguy’s sales pitch for 20 minutes – even after opening with “I’m here to buy one of these (points to central air climate control unit). Hook me up” – to get me to give you my home and office numbers, my name, my place of birth and one kidney to be told someone will call me back tomorrow, I’ll keep my cool when you call back 3 days later and leave a cryptic message on my answering machine. I’m cool that way.

I call you back 15 minutes after you left a message, introducing myself, giving you my home adress and saying that I’m returning your call about purchasing a central air unit, and you ask me “What can I do for you?” I’ll still keep my cool.

Once I explain one more time to you that I am RETURNING YOUR CALL, and that I want you to sell me a central air unit for my house, a light comes on somewhere in you mind and you explain “I’m all messed up with my callback log, because there’s like 60 clients that need to be called back, and that’s a lot of work”. I’ll keep my cool. Hey, what’s the point of telling you that this is not my problem, right?

You’ll suddenly realize that you’re “2-3 streets away from my house” and that you can be there “in 5-10 minutes”. All right, I’ll keep my cool and tidy up the place a bit. When you show up 45 minutes later, I’ll still be cool. Hey, now that I see you, you look old and about to die. Plus, you’re selling ACs, which means you go from hot and humid house to hotter and humider house. I’m cool.

So you sit at my kitchen table, and you show me a unit that is well below what I expected to pay for central air – which is a little suspicious to me – so I point the obvious to you: Should you look at my furnace? Should you ask me how big is my house? Will my thermostat work with the new AC? Should you look at my electric panel? How will you bring electricity to the front of the house? Should I show you my basement? Will the unit fit here? Is what you’re offering big enough for my square footage? After we go through all this, and you say casually that “this is not a problem, that is not a problem, oh we’ll do it this way, we’ll make it look good, don’t worry about a thing.” Do you think I’ll just say yes right on the spot?

Hell to the yeah!

Half of what I expected to pay, you wrote all the answers to my questions right on the contract and you say that this will be done in 3 weeks? Damn right I’ll give you a 200$ deposit.

Why? Because I’m so frakin’ tired to sit in a pool of my own sweat. You hold the power. I’m so weak. From all the sweating you know.