Bang!

One bullet short of a full gun (34)

Lock and load…

  • Time. I can’t believe it’s been over 4,500 hours since my last bullet post – That’s over six months for those of you still using the Imperial system. Wait that doesn’t make sense, but it does offer me the perfect segue to show you this graphic I saw on line:

I did not make that graphic. Don’t be hatin’, Usians.
  • Freak. Someone called me a freak because when I plan a drive from my house to some place, my guesstimate allows for time to have to wait for some red lights, and the traffic expected at that specific time of day. I don’t go online to look at traffic patterns or calculate the exact amount of traffic lights on the planned route or anything like that, I just base my guesstimate on close locations I drove to in the past and stuff like that. I normally don’t have a problem being called a freak, but if the person calling me a freak guesstimates that he’ll hit all green lights and face no traffic at all, then I object. Seriously, who’s a freak now?

  • Deodorant. Call me a freak if you will, but I strongly believe in the use of deodorant. I also believe in the “don’t fix it if it’s not broken” saying, so when it comes to deodorant it means sticking with something that works. Ever so often, I break this rule and try some new stuff, in this case I was sucked into the whole Dove Men +Care line of products, like the above deodorant. This deodorant is great; it smells good and not too strong, it doesn’t irritate my armpits and offers a powerful protection – it says so on the label. However, it does destroy all my black t-shirts by making the underarms white and stiff, even after multiple washes. It looks like I’ll have to buy new t-shirts and revert to my previous deodorant of choice. UNLESS I CAN FIND SOME SORT OF MIRACLE PRODUCT TO CLEAN MY T-SHIRTS!!!!!

  • Valentine Day. Yesterday was Valentine Day. Did you do anything special? Like I don’t know, eat some delicious cupcakes?

Yum!
  • Essence. As I’m contemplating getting a new car… Well that is not true. I am getting a new car. I’m contemplating getting a hybrid car or not. I did some complex calculations (Excel! W00t!!!), and it looks like I would save around 210$ a year on gas by getting a hybrid. Let’s assume I’ll keep the car for 7 years, this means savings of 1,470$. But a hybrid would cost me 4,650$ more (before taxes and all that jazz), so it looks like I’ll have to keep the hybrid for 22 years and 2 months just to break even… That puts me in the same car until one short month to my 63rd birthday, and I think we all know that this is not happening. On top of that, I didn’t factor the electricity cost. I did not factor that the hybrid is actually less car for more money (smaller tires, smaller brakes, fixed rear seats, etc.). I have a hard time going hybrid, even if part of me (and by part of me I mean LovelyWife) thinks it’s the “right” thing to do. Thoughts?

In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the madness finally comes.

Grrr-rrrrrr. Hullo.

Enemy at the Gates

The opening scenes of the movie Enemy At The Gates features a sequence in which the main character arrives at the docks on Stalingrad in late 1942, and is promptly queued up in front of a truck, in which Commissars are issuing rifles and ammunition to the conscripts.

The catch is, that only every other soldier is getting a rifle. The Commissars are usually saying something like “One man gets the rifle, the next man gets some bullets. The second man follows the man with the rifle, and when he is shot, picks up the rifle and carries on fighting!”

That’s exactly how I feel at work right now.

Hopefully I won’t get shot. But if I am, I hope someone will carry on fighting.

One bullet short of a full gun (33)

I know I said I was back, I even called you bitches and all that stuff. Now I’m giving you bullets.

  • Draw. I’ve been thinking about trying to get back into drawing again. Heck, when I was a kid I used to draw all the time, and I have stopped doing it for many years at this point. I thought I was going to get back into it a few years ago when I got a tablet and stylus for my birthday, but it took me months to get the thing out of the box, and I haven’t touched it since. Turns out drawing on the computer is much harder than on a piece of paper. Maybe I should start slow and rekindle my love of doodling while talking on the phone. Who wants to call me to kick start me on this journey back to drawing?
Of course, I could always find some helpful tutorials online.
  • Aim. My dad recently gave me his compound bow. It’s in pretty rough shape, but I think I’ll get it fixed and start shooting again. I used to be really good at this, way back when. I wonder if I can get back into it… All I need are some apples and my son, right? Nothing like proper motivation to get the job done.
  • Fire. Speaking of things that you shoot, I recently completed firearm training. Now I just need to find a few people willing to say that I’m sane enough to have some firearms in my house. It may be years before that happens, so no worries. On a more serious note, I did this because my FFIL (Favorite Father-In-Law) asked me to do it. I need to have the proper permits to be allowed to get his firearms collection when he dies. Yes, talking about death weirds me out.
  • Pause. I haven’t played any sport moved since the early 2011. I think the pause has been long enough as it is, and I’m starting to move more TODAY. True to myself, I’ll start by running an hour over lunch, and then bike another hour when I get home. This is what’s referred to as “starting slowly”. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know if I die over lunch. Maybe.
  • Ask questions. I’m often confused by people. I have a hard time understanding how some people can think that I’m the dumbest person to ever (slowly) walk the Earth and at the same time ask me constantly for information – roughly 47 times per day. There’s some sort of problem with this, or I may very well be the dumbest person alive. Any idea?

In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the madness finally comes.

It is always during a passing state of mind that we make lasting resolutions.

One bullet short of a full gun (32)

I’m doing something a little different this time. Picture bullets.

  • How mean would it be for me to scrape those dots from my window and set up a box of donuts on the table?

  • Remember when I talked about how LovelyWife stacks items in the fridge? If you thought I was kidding, look at the eggs now. Also notice the cream on its side to the left.

  • What is wrong with this picture? believe it or not, that’s the least of the bathroom problems we have here. Also, the only picture where you don’t see pee.

  • My son’s lunch.

  • Coming soon to a city near me! Hey, finally some good news!

In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the madness finally comes.

Rrrrrawr!

One bullet short of a full gun (30)

  • Salad: LovelyWife is away this week on a business trip. As part of the recruitment aspect of her job, she gets to visit exotic locales like Montréal, Sainte-Foy and Sherbrooke. How exciting! This of course means that I get to spend the week with CutieDaughter and AudaciousSon, making salad for every single meal we have. That’s right, we’re eating salad when LovelyWife is not around. None of that poutine, pizza and fries. None. At. All.
  • My Ha-Ha moment: Who ever said “You are what you eat” was a dumbass. In fact, I’m having a pear right now and… Oh. Nevermind.
  • Vane: There’s nothing like going to a new dentist to make you feel like crap. Apparently, my old dentist was just a guy with really small drills. I was told I need braces, a gum graft, that I could have the spaces between my front teeth covered by some veneers or filled with some kind of bonding agent, that three of my old fillings needed to be replaced, and that I could use some teeth whitening. Look dear new dentist, I’m almost 40 and I have two kids.  Do you really think I’m willing to spend thousands of dollars on things that will have very minor impact on my health just to look better? Hell yeah.
  • R-E-S-P-E-C-T: I changed the locks on the house. When we moved in about 8 years ago, we had a lot of stuff to buy for the house, and I ended up skimping on the door handles and locks. The result was handles and locks flaking away, looking like crap and really hard to operate. So yesterday when the lock almost ate my key, I decided it was time to get new hardware. And yes, when I tell that story I will say that I changed the locks while LovelyWife was away on a business trip. Now that’s what I call “making (up) memories”.

  • Mac Daddy: After almost 30 years as a PC, I’m going to the dark side. It started with an iPhone last October, then a iPad in June and now I am getting this soon. That is, as soon as I can make my way in a store without fighting off hundreds of people playing poker right there in the Apple store. What is wrong with those people? Who goes to a computer store to play poker? Anyways, I’m still hesitant about going for the 2.8GHz Intel Core i5 for 300$ more than the 3.2GHz Intel Core i3. Any advice greatly appreciated.

In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the madness finally returns from her business trip and notices she can’t get in the house.

Ewglu phln’slghn hngl’wi. Krha’gr br’clnuilha wgah’rly’ueh v’glua n’gl.

One bullet short of a full gun (29)

  • I really enjoy that wine tasting class we’re taking. I think I’ll continue with the homework – namely, trying new wines every week – even after the class is over… Like I need more excuses to get drunk. I gotta say this thing was kinda weird. Also, I love Champagne. That is all. Oh wait, no. I heard there was some Whiskey tasting classes offered in Ottawa. Ohhh!
  • Didn’t clean my BBQ yet. I think I should. What do you think? Steaks anyone?
  • I’m running out of excuses to bike my ass to work. Might do this before the week is over… Meteomedia seems to say that I should do this before Thursday and Friday, when rain is expected.

  • My bathroom fan is not working. It never was. This needs fixin’. Also, new moldings, new paint, clean windows, cut branches… Damn, this never ends. Condo anyone? Maybe I should just get those dudes with the giant feather fans for my bathroom instead. That might require a bigger bathroom. Can’t win.
  • Setting up a new computer is such a drag. But hey, it’s a new computer!

In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the madness finally comes.

Closer… Closer…

One Silver bullet short of a full gun (27)

  • Notapussy: My good buddy Dave2 called me a pussy. I’ve never been so honored! It was meant in the British sense of the word, right? Well, maybe I’ve made a huge mistake.
  • The Wolfman: I went to see The Wolfman on Monday. Here’s my 5-word review of the movie: predictable, entertaining, foggy, gimmick, meh. I have a feeling that a lot of my reviews would contain the word “meh”. What’s the last great movie I saw? I think it was District 9. What’s the last great movie you saw?
  • News: You’d think that with things like facebook, twitter and Blogs out there, news outlets like cyberpresse.ca would be able to get better pictures to go with their stories? Maybe it’s just a case of using “148408-commissaire-lnh-gary-bettman-rene.jpg” instead of “148409-commissaire-lnh-gary-bettman-rene.jpg”.

Just in case they decide to change it… 😉
  • The missing Tuesday Post: the astute reader might have noticed that the Tuesday post is strangely absent from my post archives. That’s because I’m growing up people! I chose the high road, I’m the bigger man, etc. Heck, If I can let Dave2 call me a pussy, I sure as hell can let some dude I work with try to rip me a new one because I used a big word he didn’t get. Oops. I guess I still have some growing up to do.
  • Breakfast Club: The Breakfast Club turned 25 this week. I remember the first time I watched the movie… There’s a famous joke in the LeSombre’s household about Breakfast Club. I goes like this:

Lovely Wife: Did you see Breakfast Club?
LeSombre: Many times.

I know it doesn’t sound that funny, but it really is. I was flipping the channels one morning and went past one where they were showing Breakfast Club. Instantly LW said: “Did you see Breakfast Club?”, but she really meant to say: “Did you see? Breakfast Club!”. Well, I guess you had to be there.

In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the madness finally comes.

Grrrrrr-Rrrrrrawr!