Month: June 2008

Lazy Monday Meme*

1. Name something you have in common with all your siblings?
We all have the same amout of ears, eyes, arms and legs (2). Oh I know, we have the same parents!

2. Do you fold your underwear?
Yes, otherwise they won’t fit in the drawer.

3. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?
That would be the diagonal letter I wrote to Martin. I think this was in 1996.

4. What was your first job?
I had a paper route like everybody else. That didn’t last long.

5. Aside from Driver’s Ed, who really taught you how to drive?
I pretty much learned on my own by reading manuals. Did I ever mention I love reading manuals?

6. What did you do today?
Got up, put underwear on, peed, started downloading “Life on Mars”, looked for the corn drawing at Nataliedee.com, answered five questions on this meme. Oh wait, six!

7. Are you emotional?
Hell no! Ahem. Yes.

8. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?
This is funny as I had this really weird dream last night, and it is a recurring dream. It’s a creepy dream about a serial killer in which I get killed. It’s always the same dream. I dunno wat it means but it freaks me out.

9. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you?
I could deliver a baby if I had the address and a fast car.

Boil some water! Bring me some towels! That’s pretty much as far as my knowledge of delivering babies goes. Although, my son was born with the “help” of a midwife, and she pretty much just stood there telling Lovely Wife that she could do it. So yeah, I could do that.

10. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Bunch of wines from the SAQ. Pinot Noir.

11. What is on your refrigerator door?
Nothing. It’s a stainess steel frigde so nothing sticks to it. I have a whole bunch of magnetic stuff on my dishwasher now. Oh wait, I just looked: fingerprints. Stainless steel is really hard to keep clean.

12. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Stay home to have my new central air unit installed! Whoo-Ouuuu!

13. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
God no. I look too tasty to do that I think. Plus, I’m not a really fast swimmer.

14. What are you wearing?
Underwear and a silly grin.

15. What was the last thing you ate?
Rice pudding I made following my dad’s recipe. I just noticed that the recipe says “In a pot that goes on the stove, put the milk…”. Now who has pots that don’t go on the stove?

*Avitable has Lazy Sundays. I steal his memes on Sunday and answer them almost seriously on Mondays.

I couldn’t fix it.

Tonight I saw the worst power abuser in the whole world. The bus station agent – the guy in charge of tearing the tickets as you get on the bus – refused to let a passenger on the bus because he was 5 feet from the door when he closed it. The passenger was actually running, and he had 5 friends already inside. The agent physically stood in front of the door with his arms stretched to prevent the passenger from going through the door.

The passenger pleaded that he was late because the automatic ticket machines were not working. The agent wouldn’t have it. Then the passenger referred to the machines as the “f*cking machines” and that was the end of it. He had to sit down and wait for an hour to take the next bus.

I’m Winston Wolf. I solve problems.

I called the agent Sir. I offered that karma was a good thing to have on your side. I told him he had a choice: Force the passenger to sit here for an hour and most probably feel crappy about it, or do a nice thing and get that fuzzy warm feeling that comes with it. He wouldn’t budge. I asked him to imagine himself in the passenger’s shoes. How would he feel about the agent? What if the passenger turned out to be someone important to the agent in the future? I offered the agent 20$.

Nothing worked.

The passenger cursed at the agent. The agent left and hid in the custommer service office. The passenger phoned his friends on the bus to tell them he was going to be late “because of an a$$hole”. He then hung up and cried.

An hour later, the passenger got on the next bus, but not before he thanked me and shook my hand. As he was getting aboard, he turned around and looked for the agent. The agent was nowhere in sight. The bus left. The agent got out of the office 30 seconds after the bus left, smiling.

What an ass.

I need blankets, I need comforters, I need quilts, I need bedspreads. The thicker the better, the darker the better.

Anyone?

Darn.

I’m a neutered rabbit, a toothless lion, a venom-less cobra. I’m the white stuff on baby carrots, the oil on peanut butter, pop rocks candy mixed with soda. I’m the flat on your spare tire, the latest Volvo, the mole you always had.

I’m not dangerous anymore. I used to be. A little.

Today I sent in my driver’s licence renewal, and I decided to have my motorcycle class removed from it. This marks the end of my 20 year-long dream of ever getting another motorcycle. Just as I am getting to a point in my life where I can probably buy a darn motorcycle, why do I chose to walk away from this?

I’m tired of arguing with myself – mostly – about getting a motorcycle. I think managed to annoy myself to death with this issue. Should I get one, should I not get one? I have the money, but I could use it for (insert house/family related project here). I rode the Alps on a motorcycle, it’s one of the best memories of my life. I also had a motorcycle accident and could’ve died. What if I get into another accident? What if I die? What about my kids? My Lovely Wife?  When would I go for rides without it looking like I was abandonning the family? But it’s fun riding a motorcycle and I miss it. Lovely Wife said “do what you want”, but I’m not falling for that one again.  

So as long as I had the possibility of riding, I would’ve been thinking about it.

Now I can carry on and continue with my plans for World domination. I just won’t be doing it riding a motorcycle.     

Worst Passport Pictures Ever.

I’m doing this in response to Kevin Spencer from Kev’s Useless Bollocks. A few days ago he published an entry called “Can Now Travel Again“, and posted a picture of his passport picture. I commented on his site that mine would make him feel much better about his, but then I figured if I have to show my ugly passport mugshot here, I might as well drag the rest of my family with me. Enjoy (or not!).

passports

Notice how the space where I’m supposed to sign mine is blank? I’ve shown my passport to custom agents in Montréal, in the Dominican Republic, in Paris, in Dakar, in Ottawa. Only when I landed in Cayo Coco (Cuba) was I asked to sign it!

So there you go Kev, I hope now you feel good about your picture. 😉