Lazy Monday Meme*

1. Name something you have in common with all your siblings?
We all have the same amout of ears, eyes, arms and legs (2). Oh I know, we have the same parents!

2. Do you fold your underwear?
Yes, otherwise they won’t fit in the drawer.

3. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?
That would be the diagonal letter I wrote to Martin. I think this was in 1996.

4. What was your first job?
I had a paper route like everybody else. That didn’t last long.

5. Aside from Driver’s Ed, who really taught you how to drive?
I pretty much learned on my own by reading manuals. Did I ever mention I love reading manuals?

6. What did you do today?
Got up, put underwear on, peed, started downloading “Life on Mars”, looked for the corn drawing at Nataliedee.com, answered five questions on this meme. Oh wait, six!

7. Are you emotional?
Hell no! Ahem. Yes.

8. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?
This is funny as I had this really weird dream last night, and it is a recurring dream. It’s a creepy dream about a serial killer in which I get killed. It’s always the same dream. I dunno wat it means but it freaks me out.

9. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you?
I could deliver a baby if I had the address and a fast car.

Boil some water! Bring me some towels! That’s pretty much as far as my knowledge of delivering babies goes. Although, my son was born with the “help” of a midwife, and she pretty much just stood there telling Lovely Wife that she could do it. So yeah, I could do that.

10. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Bunch of wines from the SAQ. Pinot Noir.

11. What is on your refrigerator door?
Nothing. It’s a stainess steel frigde so nothing sticks to it. I have a whole bunch of magnetic stuff on my dishwasher now. Oh wait, I just looked: fingerprints. Stainless steel is really hard to keep clean.

12. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Stay home to have my new central air unit installed! Whoo-Ouuuu!

13. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
God no. I look too tasty to do that I think. Plus, I’m not a really fast swimmer.

14. What are you wearing?
Underwear and a silly grin.

15. What was the last thing you ate?
Rice pudding I made following my dad’s recipe. I just noticed that the recipe says “In a pot that goes on the stove, put the milk…”. Now who has pots that don’t go on the stove?

*Avitable has Lazy Sundays. I steal his memes on Sunday and answer them almost seriously on Mondays.

Wide awake

I spent the whole night wide awake thinking about getting Espresso coffee for my new Espresso coffee maker.

Wow. Espresso really keeps me awake.

Espresso

Look at my new baby! Now if I can only get some Espresso coffee to try it out…

I couldn’t fix it.

Tonight I saw the worst power abuser in the whole world. The bus station agent – the guy in charge of tearing the tickets as you get on the bus – refused to let a passenger on the bus because he was 5 feet from the door when he closed it. The passenger was actually running, and he had 5 friends already inside. The agent physically stood in front of the door with his arms stretched to prevent the passenger from going through the door.

The passenger pleaded that he was late because the automatic ticket machines were not working. The agent wouldn’t have it. Then the passenger referred to the machines as the “f*cking machines” and that was the end of it. He had to sit down and wait for an hour to take the next bus.

I’m Winston Wolf. I solve problems.

I called the agent Sir. I offered that karma was a good thing to have on your side. I told him he had a choice: Force the passenger to sit here for an hour and most probably feel crappy about it, or do a nice thing and get that fuzzy warm feeling that comes with it. He wouldn’t budge. I asked him to imagine himself in the passenger’s shoes. How would he feel about the agent? What if the passenger turned out to be someone important to the agent in the future? I offered the agent 20$.

Nothing worked.

The passenger cursed at the agent. The agent left and hid in the custommer service office. The passenger phoned his friends on the bus to tell them he was going to be late “because of an a$$hole”. He then hung up and cried.

An hour later, the passenger got on the next bus, but not before he thanked me and shook my hand. As he was getting aboard, he turned around and looked for the agent. The agent was nowhere in sight. The bus left. The agent got out of the office 30 seconds after the bus left, smiling.

What an ass.

I need blankets, I need comforters, I need quilts, I need bedspreads. The thicker the better, the darker the better.

Anyone?

Darn.

I’m a neutered rabbit, a toothless lion, a venom-less cobra. I’m the white stuff on baby carrots, the oil on peanut butter, pop rocks candy mixed with soda. I’m the flat on your spare tire, the latest Volvo, the mole you always had.

I’m not dangerous anymore. I used to be. A little.

Today I sent in my driver’s licence renewal, and I decided to have my motorcycle class removed from it. This marks the end of my 20 year-long dream of ever getting another motorcycle. Just as I am getting to a point in my life where I can probably buy a darn motorcycle, why do I chose to walk away from this?

I’m tired of arguing with myself – mostly – about getting a motorcycle. I think managed to annoy myself to death with this issue. Should I get one, should I not get one? I have the money, but I could use it for (insert house/family related project here). I rode the Alps on a motorcycle, it’s one of the best memories of my life. I also had a motorcycle accident and could’ve died. What if I get into another accident? What if I die? What about my kids? My Lovely Wife?  When would I go for rides without it looking like I was abandonning the family? But it’s fun riding a motorcycle and I miss it. Lovely Wife said “do what you want”, but I’m not falling for that one again.  

So as long as I had the possibility of riding, I would’ve been thinking about it.

Now I can carry on and continue with my plans for World domination. I just won’t be doing it riding a motorcycle.     

Worst Passport Pictures Ever.

I’m doing this in response to Kevin Spencer from Kev’s Useless Bollocks. A few days ago he published an entry called “Can Now Travel Again“, and posted a picture of his passport picture. I commented on his site that mine would make him feel much better about his, but then I figured if I have to show my ugly passport mugshot here, I might as well drag the rest of my family with me. Enjoy (or not!).

Notice how the space where I’m supposed to sign mine is blank? I’ve shown my passport to custom agents in Montréal, in the Dominican Republic, in Paris, in Dakar, in Ottawa. Only when I landed in Cayo Coco (Cuba) was I asked to sign it!

So there you go Kev, I hope now you feel good about your picture. 😉

Ahem.

You Are 42% Feminine, 58% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides. You’re sensitive at the right times, but you don’t let your emotions overwhelm you. You’re not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

Bonne St-Jean?

June 24 is St-Jean Baptiste day, what’s now called la Fête Nationale, most probably to move away from the religious aspect of this day. After all, it is exactly six months before Christmas – did you start shopping yet? Don’t say nobody warned you! – so you wouldn’t want people to confuse them, right? Everyone: When it’s cold outside, we celebrate the guy with the long brown hair and beard and when it’s lukewarm we celebrate the guy with the short curly blond hair carrying a lamb on his shoulders. Moving on…

John the baptist was the guy who baptized Jesus, by dunkin’ his whole body in the Jordan river. Two thousands years later, Quebecois like to celebrate by dunkin’ their whole body in a pool filled with beer (drink as much as you want) and then drive all the way to Les Plaines d’Abraham in Quebec City to drink more beer and badly sing French Canadian songs of how we French Canadians are oppressed by the English têtes carrées while drinking more beer and then try to jump over the giant bonfire. One time, this guy just climbed over the fence and burned alive while people just stood around looking dazed and confused. It normally rains – which nobody really notices anyways because all Quebecois are drunk starting June 23 at noon until June 25 early evening. All of them. This is like our Woodstock.

When I was younger so much younger than today – help me here – St-Jean Baptiste had a lot more significance than it has for me today. Earlier on, it marked the end of the school year, and the start of a two month hiatus from homework and getting up in the morning and having to do school things at night and on the week-end. Later on it marked the start of hanging around the appartment complex pool from 7 in the morningg until 10 at night, flirting shamelessly with the lifeguard, going out with her and breaking up just before the school year started. Then while in CEGEP, every day slowly became a day off, and after those lovely 7 years, I moved on to the university and the concept of summer vacations slowly died, taking St-Jean Baptiste as collateral damage. 

I used to be a beer-swilling Paul Piché signing long haired Quebecois Pur Laine. Now I drink Single Malt Scotch, listen to Canadian English music and shave my hair. I drive a Japanese car, use an Italian Espresso maker, enjoy French wine, vacation in Cuba, and work… in Ontario.

Maybe St-Jean Baptiste should be called la Fête Internationale.

Shit – Piss – Fuck – Cunt – Cocksucker – Motherfucker – Tits.

I’ve just read on Dave’s blog that George Carlin died.

I’m sad.

Back to the wobbly grinder

I really like my Wiifit. Now that I’ve taken care of this.

This week starts the giant carrousel of the summer vacations at the workplace. This means that for the next 6 to 8 weeks, instead of doing my work understaffed by 43%, we’ll be at the 57% mark. That’s right. I’m really looking forward to the next couple of months.

Now if I could get rid of all those darn meetings I have… Any takers out there?

Lazy Monday* Meme:

1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
That woman who took 10 minutes adding up 67 cents in pennies, dimes and nickels and still managed to only give 43 cents to the cashier. Stop the presses! it’s that cashier who took 10 more minutes to figure out that 23 cents were missing. Nope, it’s you for noticing that it should be 24 cents. I’m shooting you a dirty look right now. 

2. What kind of car do you drive?
A 2008 Nissan Rogue SL in Orange Alloy. It has four wheels and gets me places.

3. Have you ever had a garage sale?
Yes, I sold everything when in 2002 wen I was supposed to get a job in Switzerland. It didn’t pan out the way I expected, We had to buy everything a second time, we lived at my Favorite Mother in Law’s place for a while and basically rebooted our lives. But we have fond memories of the garage sale.

4. What’s for dinner tonight?
No idea, my Favorite Mother in Law is cooking something while I’m at work. I hope it’s pizza. I hope she’s reading this.

5. What is the last drink you drank?
A Brio Chinotto. After question 3 I just poured myself a nice Single Malt. If ony this had been on question 7.

6. Last time you were sick?
I got a nasty nasty headache on Friday. I’m never really sick, but when I am it’s legen – wait for it – dary.

7. Are you happy right now?
Yes I am now. See question 5.

8. What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
Who has a favorite keychain? Seriously.

9. What is in your pocket?
Nothing, I’m in my underwear and my pants are in my dresser.

10. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with?
From Wikipedia: “For a successful conversation, the partners must achieve a workable balance of contributions.” Wow, I’ve never had a conversation.

11. What’s something fun you did today?
I played a lot of WiiFit. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I also ate cheesecake, and I love cheesecake.

12. What are you going to do after this?
Probably play a little City of Heroes. Maybe have another piece of cheesecake. Heck, why not do both.

13. What is something you need to go shopping for?
Lovely Wife is in Europe now (in Nice) so I told her I was going to buy stuff she couldn’t veto. Should I go with a new couch or a giant flat screen TV? Any other ideas?

14. What was the last thing someone you love said to you?
Bye.

15. What is a compliment you receive way too often?
“Sir, your t-shirt rocks my world”. I only heard that one once, but it’s still too often. Last week at the new coffee place, I received comments on my t-shirts every single day by different people.

*Avitable has Lazy Sundays. I steal his memes on Sunday and answer them almost seriously on Mondays.